Social Loneliness. It's a funny one but something I think a lot of people feel. My friends are solid and I know that; but I slightly feel like the forgotten friend. 

With that being said, let me explain (with a lot of jumping around from thought tracks so bare with me) why I feel like this.

I live the furthest out from all of my friends and being silly I haven't learnt to drive yet, so whenever plans are made I have to ask if anyone is able to pick me up, because everyone else is always getting in each others cars and turning up together so I don't want to be left out and turn up alone, but this means they are usually going back on themselves to get me; making me feel like a huge pain and this has began to cause me HUGE anxiety and feeling like my friends get frustrated with me.

I did make the decision to just take myself away for a while and in all honesty I have felt like such a heavy weight has disappeared. I no longer constantly worry things are being planned without me and I don't feel like I constantly need to message people to ask if anything has been planned, then feeling like I've invited myself and intruded. Don't get me wrong I do feel down when I see on social media and things that they've gone out and done things I used to look forward to doing. I just don't know how I can find that balance of putting myself out there again but also not going back to that place of worry. I want to be that person I was when I came back from Australia. Always saying yes to going out, up for anything and messaging my best friend without seconding guessing myself and then talking myself out of sending a message althogether.

I want to show them I am still that person but I don't get the opportunity too or my anxiety talks me out of going to see them at all. It's also not their fault, they don't know I feel this way but I also don't feel I could talk to them about it because I don't really see serious chats being a thing.

I think social loneliness is the best way to describe it because I'm never really by myself. I go out whenever I can and don't stay at home ever. Just sometimes when I am out I'm more of a spectator rather than a participator and I know this because I'm always worrying I'm not up to date with the latest thing that's funny or I'll have played scenarios in my head where I'll talk to someone but actually have nothing to say so we are just sat in awkward silence and that's with anyone I'm going to meet up with, be that the girls I've met through blogging and social media or friends I've known for years. I feel like it cripples me and I don't know how to deal with it. I probably come across as rude or just downright boring when people meet me in real life because I don't really say anything or say the wrong thing through pure panic. 

I know I probably could message my friends and ask if anyone is up for meeting but from past experiences of being rejected it's put me off and my being a bit more reclusive than I used to be state has well and truly set in. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to overcome it? or if you're going through it yourself and need someone to cheer you up and be pal, I'm here.Last note: guys, be kind to your left behind friends. There may be more behind them becoming back-seaters than you realise. They may just need a bit of help.

1 comment

  1. It's incredibly strange, because this is exactly how I feel. Any friends I have seem to be online, because they all live in England and I live in Northern Ireland, but I'm really pleased to be meeting up with them in July x